Help Me Forget
by Innocent-Delirium
Summary: Down and out, Spike find someone in the same emotionally scared boat as he's in… Can they console each other? Or, is just another mistake? …… It is sometimes amazing how two people can just meld together, in a time of need… if just for that short time…


This was not planned. At all. It was only intended to be a friendly little drink. Just to get their mind off of different issues. This was not supposed to happen. Neither of them were ready for this; they both knew it. Yet here they were hopelessly enthralled.

"Spike," Her tone was breathy and flirty. "Wait a minuet" She giggled, sending a slight shiver through his body; not helping matters any. He had never seen this side of her before. Then again he had always thought he was not her type. Nevertheless, this new side of her was nothing to complain about. It made him feel more of the man he used to be and less of them man he had become. It had been so long since he had control of a situation like this. Somewhere in the back of his mind he was vexed that he may not be as good as he was _before_ but he pushed that thought further back.

"But, what if I don't want to wait, luv?" He purred, his hand sliding silkily around her waist pulling her back into him. He was standing tightly behind her. The last time he had a warm seemingly gentle body so close to him it was he remembered having to be careful, making sure that he did things just right. Then again, it was not him in control. It was her. No, his body needed this. Kissing her neck he pulled her further back. "What if I want you _right now_ ?" He bluffed. He could wait until they were inside the apartment –comfortable and ready- but it sounded good.

His word seemed to spark her. Unlocking the door, she walked in with him still attached at her waist. He didn't want to let her go; the warmth of her body was intoxicating. Closing the door with his heavy boot clad foot, He slowed her walk. She grinned, shy and playful spinning in his arm and wrapping her arms around his neck. "See, it wasn't that long of a wait." Involuntarily, he flinched feeling her wrap one of her hands around the base of his neck. Quickly he tried to recover slyly.

"It was too long" He lowered his head and pulled her benignly into a somewhat playful kiss. Her soft tongue slowly rolled with his. He drew her body against his, leaning her into the back of the couch. The kisses increased; losing himself within it.

She obviously took this as a cue. Friskily, she played with his mouth while tightening her grip around his neck. She wanted to feel his body tighter against her. Instinctively, He violently pulled away from her. A look of horror on his face as he backed to the opposing wall defensively.

Her face was clearly frightened. "Spike" She was careful to make her voice as soft and delicate as possible. He suddenly caught himself. She was not the one who had belittled him.

He looked away shamefully. He felt horrible. "I-I'm so sorry" Buffy had made him like this and he hated it. That touch. That gentle touch at the found of his collar and the sudden force she used to pull him tightly into her reminded him of the way Buffy used that touch to be threatening. To show him that she could hurt him at the flick of her tiny wrist. He knew from experience how literal that was.

"M-maybe this wasn't such a good idea." He saw how sorrowful she looked. She was gentle and he knew it but his body could not seem to differ from the misuse. If only he could rid himself of the tremors. Just for one night. Just so he could have this. He needed this. God did he need this.

"N-no, it was. I'm just… it's just…" Finding it suddenly hard to hold her gaze, he looked away again. Ashamed. Ashamed that he was no longer himself. Ashamed that he let himself be castrated. "Luv, I apologize… please…"

"Shhhh… It's ok…" God sent. She glided up to him as if she was just that with a blank look of endearment. He wanted to –needed to say something in defense but she stopped him. Gentle fingers pushed against his lips as they opened. She was standing close to him. An appeasing, comforting distance and a small smile. "We just need to take it easy." Her soft fleshy lips took the place of her fingers; laced with a sweet whirr. "Easy and slow" the words sank in and he watched as her eyes closed and she pressed her lips into his. He did not comply with the kiss at this instant but instead remained still; feel her gently suck on his bottom lip. Closing his eyes, he let out a quite moan.

He wanted to take her, to feel her, to claim something as his for just a few hours of darkness. Yet he was morally paralyzed. Left only to return the supple kiss.

The warmth faded as she broke it. He opened his eyes and looked into her big doe-like one in awe. Not really knowing what to do next. She was still very close. Her mouth was even nearer yet. She smiled and he could feel it, puff like whispers slid out. "See just like that"

Captivated by her, he simply nodded and barely verbalizing the words. "Slow and easy?"

"Uh-huh" Grabbing his hand, she unhurriedly led him down the hall to her bedroom. He was no longer in charge of the situation. The realization of this came as she escorted him to the bed in the center of the room and understandingly, lightly pushed him onto it. No matter how tender her touch was, he still felt tense by her actions.

Apprehensively, Spike sat up against the headboard, not sure what to do. Fleeting thoughts ran sporadically through his mind. This was wrong…

But regrets could wait for later. Neither of them wanted to think about it. They just wanted what was.

Through the dimly lit room, he watched as she stepped out of her heels and lightly padded up to the side of the bed. Gracefully, vigilantly and warmly she crawled onto the bed and on to him. There she was. What had he done to deserve this? This incredibly angelic form sitting atop his lap. Treating him as if he had the word fragile stamped across his forehead. Pity. He hated when people felt sorry for him. It was below him. If things had been a spot altered, he would have pushed her away, but he didn't. Her touch made him calm, submissive. He didn't want to push her away. He wanted to keep her there to keep him warm, to keep him calm, and to keep him docile.

A tender glisten in her eye, she carefully draped her arms around his neck. "Is this ok?" Was this ok? It was more then ok. Such a little touch, one usually taken for granted. Seemed to pack more of a punch the one would have thought. The simple fact that she was asking was soothing in itself.

"Course" His words sounded a little chocked out but they were not, he was just caught up in between thoughts of what to do and what to say. He wanted to take control, to show her how he handled things but for some reason he could not. His body remained still, inquiring the next move.

Accepting the go ahead, she leaned in and drew him into another fluid kiss. Resting the weight of her body against his chest, she seemed to felt perfectly into his form. Harmonizing with her, he comfortably draped his arms around her waist. He felt her temperate little body buzzing with want. A want for him, it blew his mind. He thought he was not worthy being wanted anymore.

She pulled back from the kiss, still playfully holding his bottom lip between her teeth. With a jovial little smile, she released it and lowered her head. Closing his eyes, he could feel her warm breath as she traced down the side of his neck with short chain kisses. Robotically, his head fell back, elongating his neck wordlessly begging for more. A soft moan escaped his lips as she slowly moved down to his chest; alternating between kissing and unfastening his red button-up.

Half way down she moved back up to his lips. Kissing him with the same patient tone, she continued to work the rest of his shirt. So gentle. She was so incredibly gentle that he would have thought he was dreaming. The notion popped up, but he pushed it away a fast as he could. He did not want it to a dream. He prayed to god that it wasn't.

Having undone his shirt completely, she lightly ran her nails lightly across his stomach. It sent a shiver up his spine; he in turn involuntarily emitted a muted whimper.

She heard the muted sound he made and pulled away slightly. He saw the unsure expression on her face and instantly felt the need to reassure her. So long as she was comfortable, he was slowly relaxing himself. He needed that. He needed it desperately.

Wanting so badly to bolster her, he looked at her coyly and smiled. It took her a moment to fully comprehend what he was trying to express, but that did not matter. What mattered is she understood. She responded genially with a shy girlish giggle. That was not the response he was expecting; but he was not complaining. He found himself unexpectedly awoken by the childish sound she released.

He had been playing with the fringe of her blouse for a little bit, deciding on whether he should; that little hum gave him initiative. Slowly, almost asking, he lifted up her thin maroon chemise. She gave him a light kiss before leaning back slightly and lifting up her arms; allowing him to remove her top. Tossing her shirt to the side, he could not take his eyes off of her. She was gorgeous. Angelic, with a soft glow bouncing off of her.

She noticed him staring at her and quickly retreated into herself. She lowered her head and wrapped her arms around her striped form. "N-not what you were expecting?" Spike was completely thrown by her sudden change. Her tone dropped from a soft confident purr to a shy self-doubting timbre. He hated to see her so insecure; she was gorgeous but didn't seem to know it. Her last lover had done the same thing Buffy had done to him. Just not on the same level. They had put her down and made her ashamed of her own body. And had done a damn good job of it too. This was something he had noticed and had been observing for a while. From day one, he perceived her attempt to play down her looks. Tonight was the first time he had actually seen her in something that showed off her form.

"Not at all…" He smiled at her sweetly and ran his fingers along the black lace of her full bra, and down over her stomach. "So much better" Her skin was velvety to the touch and so marvelously warm. She had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. She had a deliciously thick figure with curves to kill for. Nothing like girls that had suddenly become popular by the industry. How someone could put this down was beyond him.

A small smile crept on to her face, but Spike could tell that she was still apprehensive. It was his turn to make her feel secure. With a fond smile, he leaned up and wrapped his arm around her. Cupping her cheek with his free hand, he pulled her into a soft kiss.

* * *

Spike awoke slowly in a somewhat blissful state. Opening his eyes, he leisurely glanced over at the window and took note that it was covered with a heavy layer. Smiling to him self, he remained there for a moment, recalling the night before. _So soft._ was all he could think about. After a few moments, he remembered that he was alone… and no one was coming back. Slightly put off, Spike decides he needed to find… his girl…

No…

Not his anymore, she was his last night. Now he was not sure what was going on. All he knew was he needed to find her.

Getting out of bed, he found his jeans and slid them on. Not finding his shirt, he wondered for a moment if it had wandered off along with her. Nothing to protest, if it had it was in his favor. Quietly her roamed out of the room and through out the apartment. Down the short hall, he saw her; curled up on her couch with her knees tucked up against her chest. Her head was resting on her knees and her face was hidden, but He could hear her sobbing softly. His heart sank a little as he walked up to her. All of the thoughts he attempted to suppress last night came rushing back.

"Tara, luv, what's wrong?"


End file.
